I think it deserves more attention, so welcome to my inaugural Valentine's Day Letter. This is in lieu of my Christmas message that has pretty much become a painful cliche year after year. This will be so sweet and sugary that you'll decline that box of chocolates and give it to the doorman you gypped at Christmas time.
Dear family, friends, loved ones, strangers, and others,
What can I say? My family and I are doing incredibly well. By the sounds of your last Christmas cards, we're doing a lot better than you all. I know how to read between the lines. "My daughter earned a volleyball scholarship to Atwood Community College 20 miles from home." Code for she practically flunked out of high school and this is the best she could do.
"My spouse and I are getting to spend a lot more time together and recalling why we fell in love." Uh oh. Someone has lost their job, they're doing overtime on the sofa, and discovering new places to scratch!
Well, for my family, it's like a cluster of love surrounds us wherever we go.
"Wind Beneath My Wing" flys out of the radio when we turn it on.
My husband and I frequent our local wine bar, Wine and Roses, and are greeted by "You Light Up My Life!" as we walk hand in hand to our table.
Look up "Romance" in Webster's. It states: Eric and Tammy serenaded by Debbie Boone. Honestly! My heart lunges a beat when I think of Debbie. Then Pat, her dad, slithers into my thoughts. Pat and those blinding white trademark shoes. I wonder if he was buried in them. I suppose I could Google that. I wonder if he's dead. I guess I should Google that first.
Let's return to Romance. There are so many great role models in our history other than Debbie & Pat.
Tracy & Hepburn--Well . . . shame he never divorced his wife though.
Bonnie & Clyde--Dead bodies put a little kibosh on the romance thing.
Di & Chuck--Oh, if only the fairy tale could have been true.
Chuck & Camilla--I just read about them in the Inquirer. Scratch them.
Mr. Ed & Wilbur--Boardering on that NC rating here, possibly.
Lassie & Timmy--More innocent than romantic love, I hope.
Professor & Ginger & Mary Ann--Oops, we want romance not soft porn.
Rhett & Scarlet--the perfect couple, with the exception of the physical and emotional abuse.
I'm starting to understand why the divorce rate is 50%.
Let me share my favorite love poem from my childhood.
Love is like a lizzard,
It gets inside my body
and wraps itself around my gizzard.
It's a little gross, but touching nevertheless!
Didn't mean to digress from my original intention. Back to my VD Letter and my family.
My loving and caring son has started MMA (mixed martial arts) classes. So needless to say, watch out Arnold, Jean Claude Van Damme, and you Gracie boys from Brazil. In ten years, my son will be able to crush your ribs like Marsha Brady crushes hearts. (Just trying to stay in the Valentine spirit.)
My manipulative, yet sweet, daughter enjoys gymnastics, science, and the TV show "Wizards of Waverly Place." I envision her concocting potions and spells so she can effortlessly perform a front tuck half twist ariel back bend split while bewitching Taylor Lautner, a young buff actor.
My wonderful husband showers me with so many compliments and kisses. At times, I feel like I'm on Noah's Ark!
May life be one big heart-shaped tub with magical bubbles floating on the surface and mirrors on the ceiling!
From my family to yours!
Happy Valentine's Day!
