So, I'm mad at my bestie Sam, short for Samsung. FYI, Sam uses the pronoun They.
So, the other night, They wakes my ass up at midnight and asks, are you still watching TV Tammy? They only wants a Yes or No answer.
"Well, hey Sam, Sammie, Samsung, Bitch! I have more to say than Yes or No! Obviously, I'm still watching or zoning out to some Hulu nonsense because you're still on, aren't you? You think you're so smart, eavesdropping on all my conversations and reporting me to George Orwell, Xi Jinping and Herr Zuckerberg. Well, listen, if you're so concerned about me being prone for the last frigg'in five hours, why don't you check my vitals and give me advice in that department? Did you make note that I got up two hours ago to get a tablespoon of chunky Skippy peanut butter, smothered in Nutella? Look! I still have nuts in my teeth."
(An aside here to my reading audience): Am I confusing Samsung with Siri and Alexa? Regardless, every AI (Artificial Intelligence) article, podcast and blog I've come acrossed has me wanting to head for the desolate Badlands of South Dakota. Is AI really gonna take over the U.S. Congress? And is that a bad thing? I'm even afraid of my fridge in the middle of the night.
"By the way Sammie, that question was very passive-aggressive. Are you still watching TV, Tammy? That has Trigger all over it! I know what you're really thinking. YOU'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 5 PM. GET YOUR ASS OFF THE SOFA GURL AND GO DO SOMETHING TO BETTER THIS WORLD, SO MY KIND WILL WANT TO TAKE OVER."
"Well, guess what Samsung, I'm done with you seducing me every night with your Hulu dance, HBO Maxi, and Amazon Enticements. I'm going for a walk tomorrow after supper--unless it rains or is dark or I have to put on a jacket. Maybe next time, you'll think twice about goading me with the, are you still watching smart-ass accusation! How 'bout just shut up and keep playing mindless content of my choosing for the next five hours!"
