Thursday, April 29, 2010

Poem in a Pocket Day

Today, April 29, New Yorkers are encouraged to carry a poem in their pocket and share it with those around them. It's popular in the school system and the New York Times will be publishing poems this week.
I'm going to share three poems with you.

This beautiful poem is called
Fictional Characters
by Danusha Lame'ris, published in The Sun, November 2009.

Do they ever want to escape?
Climb out of the curved white pages
and enter our world?

Holden Caulfield slipping in the side door
of the movie theater to catch the two o'clock.
Anna Karenina sitting in the local diner,
reading the paper as the waitress
in a bright green uniform
serves up a cheeseburger and a Coke.

Even Hector, on break from the Iliad,
takes a stroll through the park,
admires a fresh bed of tulips.

Who knows? Maybe
they were growing tired
of the author's mind,
all its twists and turns,

or they were finally weary
of stumbling around Pamplona,
a bottle in each fist,
eating lotuses on the banks of the Nile.

Perhaps it was just too hot
in the small California town
where they'd been written into
a lifetime of plowing fields.

Whatever the reason, here they are,
content to spend the day
roaming the city streets, rain falling
on their phantasmal shoulders,
enjoying the bustle of the crowd.

Wouldn't you, if you could?
Step out of your own story
to lean for an afternoon against the doorway
of the five-and-dime, sipping your coffee,

your life somewhere far behind you,
all its heat and toil nothing but a tale
resting in the hands of a stranger,
the dingy sidewalk ahead wet and glistening.

The other two poems are written by "two undiscovered geniuses" (their words) that live with my husband and me.

I have a turtle.
His name is Murtle.
He has a friend, Fred.
The turtle every morning, Fred, has to take his meds.
Every morning, Murtle is just a regular turtle.


THE SUBWAY STATION

I swipe my card through the slot.
I walk down the stairs,
all faces staring down at me.
I think, "all alone with my mother in my home."
I step in the train as it comes.
When it leaves, I hear the train give off its' loud hums.
Tons of people, listening to music, as oblivious as ever.
They probably wouldn't notice if they were nicked by a feather.

Write or read a poem today.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Spanx Or Not To Spanx

Beauty of life in America is that it's full of options. Some people can embrace those options. They step up to the plate and announce," Big Mac Combo" and don't agonize over their decision. Others, shift from foot to foot, murmuring, "Big Mac, Quarter-pounder, Big Mac, Quarter-pounder. Or should I do BK??"

I confess, last winter I debated between two turtlenecks for twenty minutes. It was the color choice that did me in. One was chocolate fudge. The other was deemed roasted coffee. As I recall, I got tired of my indecision and went to Starbucks for a mochachino fudge venti or something like that.

I'm happy to report that I have, once again, opted to attend my MMA (mixed martial arts) class. The class has left me weak enough to hail a cab, but the horror I envision on the cab driver's face when I ask to go three blocks keeps my arms pinned at my sides and I shuffle home.

I'm too weak to peel off my spandex shorts, too weak to lift an 8-ounce glass of water to my quivering lips. Is it really healthy to throw punches while holding 5- pound dumb bells? I'll Google that when I can lift my arms to the keyboard.

I settle on the sofa where my Spanx catalog calls to me.
Skip class, just buy me, it seems to say.
I successfully lift the pages and peruse some options to my ab attacking, sweat-inducing, tricep-taunting class. Why sweat through this class when I can spend an hour squeezing into a Spanx and look unnaturally thin for the whole day and night?


For those of you who don't know, Spanx are modern day girdles and corsets. They are not easy to get into. I suggest oiling up ahead of time. Depending on the type of man you want to attract, will determine your choice of oil: olive, Wesson, baby or Astroglide. Choose wisely.

Envision Marlon Brando easing into a wrestling singlet. And I don't mean the Marlon Brando from "On The Water Front" era. I mean Brando from the remake of "The Island of Dr. Moreau" (a favorite of mine, co-starring Val Kilmer).
First off, in the Spanx catalog, what's the point of using size 2 models to convince the average overweight woman that their product works? The only bulges these women have to hide are their hip bones. Actually, those bones can be unsightly!

Given more thought, I can skip an MMA class and substitute it for my private Spanx class. The amount of hopping, twisting, and inadvertent crunches (along with swearing and praying) I perform while "sliding" into one of these contraptions burns just about the same amount of calories.

Mega compression zones
Powerful tummy-taming panel
Hide and sleek


This description sounds more promising than plastic surgery and a hundred crunches combined!

Maybe if I opt for fewer Big Macs, I can opt for fewer Spanx and less exercise. I'll give those options some thought.