Beauty of life in America is that it's full of options. Some people can embrace those options. They step up to the plate and announce," Big Mac Combo" and don't agonize over their decision. Others, shift from foot to foot, murmuring, "Big Mac, Quarter-pounder, Big Mac, Quarter-pounder. Or should I do BK??"
I confess, last winter I debated between two turtlenecks for twenty minutes. It was the color choice that did me in. One was chocolate fudge. The other was deemed roasted coffee. As I recall, I got tired of my indecision and went to Starbucks for a mochachino fudge venti or something like that.
I'm happy to report that I have, once again, opted to attend my MMA (mixed martial arts) class. The class has left me weak enough to hail a cab, but the horror I envision on the cab driver's face when I ask to go three blocks keeps my arms pinned at my sides and I shuffle home.
I'm too weak to peel off my spandex shorts, too weak to lift an 8-ounce glass of water to my quivering lips. Is it really healthy to throw punches while holding 5- pound dumb bells? I'll Google that when I can lift my arms to the keyboard.
I settle on the sofa where my Spanx catalog calls to me.
Skip class, just buy me, it seems to say.
I successfully lift the pages and peruse some options to my ab attacking, sweat-inducing, tricep-taunting class. Why sweat through this class when I can spend an hour squeezing into a Spanx and look unnaturally thin for the whole day and night?
For those of you who don't know, Spanx are modern day girdles and corsets. They are not easy to get into. I suggest oiling up ahead of time. Depending on the type of man you want to attract, will determine your choice of oil: olive, Wesson, baby or Astroglide. Choose wisely.
Envision Marlon Brando easing into a wrestling singlet. And I don't mean the Marlon Brando from "On The Water Front" era. I mean Brando from the remake of "The Island of Dr. Moreau" (a favorite of mine, co-starring Val Kilmer).
First off, in the Spanx catalog, what's the point of using size 2 models to convince the average overweight woman that their product works? The only bulges these women have to hide are their hip bones. Actually, those bones can be unsightly!
Given more thought, I can skip an MMA class and substitute it for my private Spanx class. The amount of hopping, twisting, and inadvertent crunches (along with swearing and praying) I perform while "sliding" into one of these contraptions burns just about the same amount of calories.
Mega compression zones
Powerful tummy-taming panel
Hide and sleek
This description sounds more promising than plastic surgery and a hundred crunches combined!
Maybe if I opt for fewer Big Macs, I can opt for fewer Spanx and less exercise. I'll give those options some thought.
You go girl!!!
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